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Look in the crowd and what do I see
Your empty face staring at me
your black eyes dark as coal
reaching my heart piercing my soul
blink once or twice and then your gone
seems my imagination has won.

do you really want me?
tell me cause I need to know,
do you really need me?
tell me cause it doesn't show.

Object of my destruction
everything I do
is never good enough for you
Object of my destruction
is it really over baby?
say it isn't true.

Late at night when I call on the phone
You're pretending not to be home
got me thinkin' what should I do
I Miss You like Blink 182
all these questions swim in my head
cause without you I'm feelin' half dead.

Object of my destruction
everything I do
is never good enough for you
Object of my destruction
is it really over baby?
say it isn't true.

Is this all in vain?
Can you stop this pain?
Will you make this right?
Return to me tonight?

do you really want me?
tell me cause I need to know,
do you really need me?
tell me cause it doesn't show.

Object of my destruction
everything I do
is never good enough for you
Object of my destruction
is it really over baby?
say it isn't true.
©2004-2009 ~Chococat05
:iconchococat05:

Author's Comments

it kinda just came to me...i don't know where it came from really, it was just floating around in my subconscious...

Comments


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:iconsimplyann:
I like the lyrical nature of this piece. Is it set to music?

The lines "blink once or twice and then your gone / seems my imagination has won." are a very powerful way to show the fragility (is that even a word? haha) of this relationship.

I think that you could try more at expressing your feelings through imagery. How does it feel to be "half dead" (stanza 4)? What does it mean "piercing your soul"?

Anyway. I liked this. Very smooth and easy to read without losing the meaning of the piece.

Write on!
:iconchococat05:
thanks 4 the comment and to answer ur questions, u kno..if u wanted answers...

yea it's set to music, i was thinkin about givin it 2 my friend 2 sing since he has a band an all...

the whole"half-dead" thing....u kno how when ppl are in love they say they feel "whole" w/ thier partner or watever? i meant it as since she's/he's gone, they feel uncompleted. like part of them is missing.

the "piercing my soul" one...ppl say ur eyes are the window to ur soul. and when sm1 looks 'deep into my eyes' i always feel like they can read my everything. hence the whole 'piercing my soul' thing.

and about using imagery...i think i kno wat u mean, but i don't really like to a whole lot because well, i can't say i kno how to do it well...but maybe i'll try again sometime...

anyway thanks again 4 the comment!! =)
:iconsimplyann:
Your explanation of "half-dead" is wonderful. As a way to practice imagery, I would suggest writing a poem based on that explanation, if you're not going to polish this piece any longer. As far as your explanation of "piercing my soul" goes, it's kind of cliche. To improve your image skills (which I think would add a lot of depth to your work), try looking for other ways to explain that deep, searching look someone gives you.

You say you don't know how to do imagery well; I think if you do spur-of-the-moment writing exercises, you'll find that you can bring a new way of looking at the world from your perspective. onionboy.ca has daily writing prompts for you to explore.

Write on!
:icongothic-angel90:
WOW your good!!!!!! ^.^

--
Your Mistakes can't be forgiven unless you forgive them yourself..Now the question is..Do you?
:iconchococat05:
^^; heh heh, thanx...but i can't seem to make anything else as good...guess it might be a one time thing.
:icongothic-angel90:
LOL nah im sure you can make some more as great! maybe....better!!!!!!!!!!

--
Your Mistakes can't be forgiven unless you forgive them yourself..Now the question is..Do you?
:icongothic-angel90:
^^ np

--
Your Mistakes can't be forgiven unless you forgive them yourself..Now the question is..Do you?
:iconflying-high2:
mate, this is great, i love the lyrical structre and the imagery. i can completely relate to it

--
Havoc

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August 4, 2004
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